Hello Everyone!
Welcome to the first official Confessions of a Serial Overthinker newsletter! I’m glad you’re here. I figured I’d give a little time for the announcement to circulate before sending out the first update, and since YouTube is done pushing impressions on that video, it’s time. Also, full transparency I’ve been sitting on this first article for way too long, so I’m taking a lesson from myself and moving forward even though I don’t feel I have this figured out yet.
First Drafts
When it comes to the initial phase of writing a new script, I inevitably find myself staring at the blank page asking, “wait, how does this work again?”. Some of my favorite scripts came about suddenly and unexpectedly. The script for Time to Think came to me one evening last summer. There were only a few revisions and the finished film largely resembles the first draft written in those late night hours. The same goes for The Courage to Change; the majority of that script was written one winter morning over breakfast at the dining room table. Writing these scripts was like fishing: I had cast a line and just needed to wait for the concept to bite. It wasn’t something I could force. I had to be patient and when I felt that tug I had to act fast to quickly reel it in. I think this approach is fine for truly short films like those projects, but approaching a larger work like this requires a more mature, consistent effort. I find when attacking larger projects, it can be easy to edit as you write and get caught up in revisions before you even have a complete draft. I was talking with a writer friend on the phone recently, and we were discussing how the fight through the first draft is an uncomfortable, yet crucial step in reaching your final script. Sometimes by the end you’ll wind up with a completely new story that you never planned on writing. Perhaps this is why the first draft is so hard to complete. When you start a new script, you’re full of exciting new ideas that get poured out on the page. But like opening your heart up to love, writing your first draft also opens you up to loss. You may easily have to say goodbye to the characters, dialogue and scenes you’ve grown so fond of, because when you finish that first draft the next step is to scrutinize it, rip it apart, and then piece together the remains. Sure this is a touch dramatic and in the end the process is a refining fire which leads to an overall better film, but something about it still hurts. Maybe it’s my pride; that I don’t want to admit any shortcomings of the idea. Or maybe I’m too lazy to put in the effort after the initial draft. Whatever the reason, I’m working to find the focus, energy, and courage required to push through this phase.
The Concept
Since work is just beginning on this project, for this first update I want to share the inspiration and theme for the film. The initial concept emerged one evening on the drive back from my weekly small group meeting. I had turned in my last college paper, moved into my new apartment, and in three days would be walking across the stage to officially end my time as a student. As I cruised down the freeway, I found myself reflecting on the past three years and daydreaming about what might come next. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by a strange, yet familiar sensation. It was a sort of terrified excitement; a restless peace. My experiences and everything around me suddenly seemed larger than life and all became surreal.
When I’ve tried to describe this feeling to others, I’ve usually said something like, “life feels too real”. The emotions involved are often contradictory; a sense of fear and excitement, pessimism and optimism, joy and melancholy. When I reflect on my life thus far, much of the journey has been learning to identify and navigate the tension of these contradictory aspects of life. I’ve sometimes thought of myself as a walking oxymoron.
In the film I hope to explore these different tensions and emotional contradictions. It will be divided into seven parts, with each part exploring a life tension I’ve identified. I’ve had the desire to create a piece that encapsulates this idea for a long time, but I’ve waited because the prospect of creating this film intimidates me. Something about this one feels uniquely personal in a manner unlike my other previous works. I’m pushing on though because creating this feels necessary; I can’t imagine what else I’d be making right now if it not for this. It’s large undertaking, and every time I pitch it to my friends I realize how much work it’s is going to be. I also know that the YouTube algorithm will likely not latch onto this one and it’ll “underperform” according to all the metrics, but I can live with that. I’ve been given the vision, now it’s my duty to bring it to life.
Was this interesting? Insightful? Did you even read the whole thing? It’s a much smaller group of us over here on Substack so by all means let me know if there’s anything else that you’d like to hear about!
Until next time,
Noah